goodbye 2005.

swollen eyes

time for big changes.
and i'm adjusting,
although slowly.

goodbye to my past.

your words weigh a thousand tons.
i didnt realise you meant so much to me..

再一次踏上了漫漫的火车路程。
火车轰隆隆的， 车外的风景模糊的向后倒退。
像自己的过去吧。
总以为自己可以成为别人生命中的女主角，努力着。
但是发觉，剧本结局，是沦落为不起眼的路人。是个别人模糊的记忆。
怎么努力也不会改变。

不同的岁月，角色也会像星路般浮浮沉沉。
感慨不如昔日。
有多少人曾经陪我走过火车站旁，邮政局外的那段路。
他们与我，如今已成为陌生人。
我想念
火车车九道对面，
有个爱我的人，
依依不舍地向我挥手。

i feel sad for you.
but i cant reach you.
why does it happen all the time?

i can hear no one. not a single one.
layers of masks.

to you my dear,
it would be as close as before, or as distant as now.
not in between.

so dont say wat you dont mean. i'm smarter than you think.

finally, i tried the tampon.
well, two hours were all i could take. it was DISGUSTING, YUCKY, and UNCOMFORTABLE.
the leaflet say i'm not supposed to feel anything, but for the fucking 2 hours, i felt the fucking thing in me.
and no. it wasnt pleasurable.
it was poking me everywhere inside when i had my training, was bending down, sitting down n everything. n i was so afraid it would fall OUT onto the floor when i walked!
wood said i'm supposed to push it all the way in until half of my finger disappears into it as well. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! u mean our vaginas are so deep????
so maybe i put it in the wrong position.
and i freaked out when i was trying to pull it out. i tot it was stuck inside n i had to pull quite hard n it "popped!" out. ISNT THAT SOOOOOOO SICK??????
it spoilt my whole day and i turned down a date! to Garlic Restaurant! my favouritest restaurant in whole singapore.
mei shi scolded me. she say "u crazy ah! it's for non-virgins!"
oh no... so i lost my virginity to a fucking tampon.

xmas eve eve: ivp tt steamboat
xmas eve: expo magic show
xmas: tampines 2803 steamboat
boxing day: bishan bd party

at least i have something to do everyday. thank God.

been travelling so much and been thinking alot..

1) signs of aging: pimples after sun exposure, indestructable tummy, VERY bad eye bags. YIKES --> shall sleep early n eat healthily

2) i feel awkward n uncomfortable while talking to new friends. actually i dont give a damn about them... come to think of it, this entire sem, the ppl i really like and hang out with are OLD frens. ppl i hav known b4 uni.

this sem, i only really got to know ONE person. that's beatrice. one new fren. YAY

i think i have 自闭症。怎么办？

i want to turn back time.
i'd rather be your friend, and nothing more.

i dont wana endure all this pain.
i want to be your friend. :(

i sleep early everyday,
so that i will not be reminded that i'm bored and lonely on chilly nights.

my broken guitar.

it feels good when my photos are used, and being appreciated. :)

i miss the kids. dear farhana left her wallet here, and dear udin left his tiny toothbrush here..
the clothes that's supposed to be sold online, i gave them to vicky.

presents arrived. but they're broken. :(

my best fren is not dead.

:)

i'm angry.
cos u lied to me.

(its ridiculous)
Its been months
And for some reason i just
(cant get over us)
And im stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
Im so over being blue
Cryin over you
Gotta fix that calender i have
Thats marked July 15th
Because since theres no more you
Theres no more anniversary
Im so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

Thats the reason im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio?

Said im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio?
(why cant i turn off the radio?)

miracolously, it doesn't hurt anymore.

at peace. (hope it stays this way)

:)